Today’s post is brought to you by the letter “F” for frustration. As in: technological frustration. Updated the site and now my feeds aren’t working so I spent over an hour going through a range of tests to see why. Still can’t figure it out. This, however, does not change the fact that I need to write today for personal and for work-related efforts. While tuning everyone out is proving to be difficult, especially when there’s political angst and publishing angst and personal angst and… Well? A whole lotta angst. Try as I might, I do make an attempt to be quite rational about these sorts of things, but occasionally I get bogged down in b.s. Hence my post yesterday.

Ah well, it’s all watery words under the comma splice. Ordered a new office chair today and was appalled that these things now come with ratings depending upon how many hours you sit. If you’re a “Professional,” you sit 8+ hours a day. This frightens me, especially since I fall into this category. How does one balance working out with writing? Haven’t figured that out yet, but I have an appointment tomorrow and did some research on a few classes. ‘Course, between you and me, it’s also a case where I need to figure out how to juggle writing and working out with this pesky thing called laundry and house cleaning.

Yes, my office is a disaster zone. I received more additions to my growing collection of Domo-kun and my desk is so full of end-of-the-year organization I have no place to put them. I keep telling myself: “Hey, you don’t get paid to clean.” Which is true, but getting my proverbial paper act together does pay off in the long run. Figuring out the logistics of writing is one thing; determining what makes a viable writing career is another. Administrivia is just one piece of that and, unfortunately, a necessary evil.

This, along with diving into [redacted] and [redacted] is how I’ll spend my holiday break. But first? Hours to go before I sleep and more holiday parties to attend.

Mood: Pretty mellow
Caffeinated Beverages Consumed: Two-ish.
Work-Out Minutes Logged Yesterday: Some stairs.
Word Count Logged Yesterday (not including day job): 500. (Boo!)
In My Ears: Tron Legacy Soundtrack
Game Last Played: Word on the Street
Movie Last Viewed: Harry Potter on Blu-Ray
Book Last Read: Dark Faith anthology
Latest Artistic Project: Byzantium chainmail bracelet with pink/iris green/black rings
Upcoming Release: Strange, Dead Love for Vampire: the Requiem

When it comes to some things, I’m predictable. I have found, over the years, that I tend to be a seasonal creature. Right after Thanksgiving (which was brilliant, by the way) I dropped into a terrifyingly bad mood that became the smoke-colored goggles for everything else I was doing.

Me, being a rational and somewhat sane person, immediately realized I was in an awful mood, which made it worse. Because then I got pissed at myself for being in a bad mood, because how dare I? The underlying reason for said emotion wasn’t caused by anything negative going on in my own life. Guilt? Getting pissed off at other people’s injustices and the entirely crappy attitude toward people we don’t agree with? Anyway, it quickly went downhill from there. Especially when I got paranoid about affecting other people by a lingering black cloud.

What is important here? No, not the bad mood, of which I’m happily recovering from. It’s the reason why.

You see, every year I look back on what I’ve done and I chastise myself for not hitting my big picture goals. Every. Damn. Year. This year, I was upset because I didn’t hit my novel submission goals and, to put it bluntly, I dealt with a lot of b.s. due to freelancing and the fact that many people consider writing to be a competition. Quite frankly, there are a few people I’d like to say “Piss off!” to, but instead I’ll smile and nod, play nice, and keep writing.

When the primary source of your income is through your words, you make decisions based on what pays, what doesn’t, and how easy the assignment or task is. Spec work falls to the bottom of the pile in favor of what will keep food on your table and pay your bills. And so does the b.s. because really? Who’s got time for that?

To achieve my goals, I’ve made choices to support them. I don’t watch TV or follow lifestyles of the rich and famous. I have no idea what the trends are, unless I need to research them for work. I’m backstage creating rather than consuming. My new-ish day jobs allow me to cheer John Kovalic and Steve Jackson Games on the front end, but when it comes to writing? I’m the wizard behind the curtain. Or rather, I’m supposed to be when I’m creating. Now it seems, I’m expected to put on my top hat and present my own version of Oz while I’m at the controls and after the show, too.

Combine all of those concerns with the time necessary to write, revise, and polish a novel, and this is why I did not get my novels done this year. I did, however, manage to eke out a living, figure out a great day job combination that allows me to write and feel really damn good about everything I’m doing, too. I did write, revise, and polish a ~35K novella that will debut next year — and that’s not even a fraction of what I accomplished.

But I still got pissed at myself for putting the spec work and empty promises to the bottom of the pile and punished myself for it, too.

The thing is, I feel there are only so many excuses a writer can make before it turns into this: “Since I’m talking more about writing rather than putting my butt in the chair to write, I really can’t call myself a writer.”

That statement takes on a different meaning when you earn a living off your words: technical or otherwise. Then, when you don’t write? You lose money. By not focusing on spec, I’m not losing any money right now, but I’m affecting my long term goals and invisible money. See-through, because I don’t know what I don’t know. I don’t know how much a novel will make because I haven’t published one. I can guesstimate averages, but still? No data, which equals fear.

Every author, I guess, deals with being afraid. In my case, it’s not fear so much as not doing. This year, I didn’t do what I set out to do because I made a conscious decision to spend my efforts on other projects. I got pissed about that, but I’m using it to put together my 2012 goals.

So now I’m eating many Christmas cookies, celebrating all the good things, and moving forward. After all, getting angry is counterproductive, especially if I don’t do anything about said emotion. I’m not the type of person who will sit and stew forever. Life is too short to be miserable.

For some words of encouragement, read author Sean Ferrell’s post about feeling small.

Mood: Determined
Caffeinated Beverages Consumed: Two premium beverages with peppermint mocha.
Work-Out Minutes Logged Yesterday: I did finger push-ups. Does that count?
Word Count Logged Yesterday (not including day job): None, took the day off.
In My Ears: Pure, blissful silence
Game Last Played: Picross 3D for the Nintendo DS
Movie Last Viewed: Harry Potter on Blu-Ray
Book Last Read: Dark Faith anthology
Latest Artistic Project: Byzantium chainmail bracelet with pink/iris green/black rings
Upcoming Release: Strange, Dead Love for Vampire: the Requiem

New Twitter. New GMail. New Google+ and Analytics and… Holy he’ll. I mean, really. These are not new designs. These are old designs, very flat. Very retro. Very Internet 1.0.

Wow. It’s so incredibly

Have we really come to a point where design, like fashion, will repeat itself? I swear to you, if Comic Sans becomes popular again I’m going to save up my pennies and order a:
.

And now, I reflect on how *old* I feel…

Animated gifs. 2D buttons. Blank spaces. Rainbow text. What’s next? Sparkly fairy dust mouse trails? RAINBOW TEXT?

Oy. I do not like to feel old Sam I am. I’d rather eat a green egg with ham.

In other news (now that that’s out of my system)…

I went to yet another fine holiday party last night. Sadly, I was the only female with the exception of our waitress. (Who was easily embarrassed, by the way.) There was Guiness. There was Spotted Cow. There were stories and escapades and heated discussions.

Joined by Matt Forbeck, Kenneth Hite, Lester Smith, Steven Sullivan, Bill Bodden, Will Hindmarch, Matt McElroy, and Don Perrin. All very talented and fine folks. One of these days, we may actually get a game in, too.

Ah, well. I really can’t complain. It’s been a fun year and I have a *few* more holiday parties to attend. I’ll be working like mad this weekend but, like anything else I do, I love what I’m working on to pieces. Communication was very strange this week, but that happens sometimes. Live. Laugh. Love. Maybe even all at the same time!

Mood: Cloudy with a Chance of Beer
Caffeinated Beverages Consumed: Two, and not happy about it either.
Work-Out Minutes Logged Yesterday: Don’t want to talk about it.
Word Count Logged Yesterday (not including day job): 200. I suck. But look! New website! With pages promoting some of my books!
In My Ears: The Killers (Red) Christmas CD
Game Last Played: Picross 3D for the Nintendo DS
Movie Last Viewed: Harry Potter on Blu-Ray
Book Last Read: Dark Faith anthology
Latest Artistic Project: Byzantium chainmail bracelet with pink/iris green/black rings
Upcoming Release: Strange, Dead Love for Vampire: the Requiem

I have a bunch of links for you today that came across my desk. First, you should notice that my website is a little different. I just launched a new design with a home page I’m happy with. I’m logging tweaks, so if you see anything I’d appreciate a comment so I can send it along to my programmer. Sidebar will be the last thing I add. 🙂

• The Slush Reader’s Advice For Writers – Definitely worth a read for anyone submitting or penning short stories.
• Lilith Saint Crow “On Vacations” – She talks about how writing is a vacation and why she’ll even do it on the weekends. I get a lot of people who tell me to “take a break.” This post sums up my feelings better than I could pen.
• Teaching Tolerance in Pakistan with Puppets – How cool is that? Sesame Street in Pakistan!
• “Witch’s” Cottage Unearthed Near Pendle Hill, Lancashire – A historical find in the UK on the eve of the 400th anniversary of the Pendle witch trials.
• 30 Days of Vampires – Lori Devoti is running a series every day in December on vampires. I’ll be dropping in to talk about Strange, Dead Love later this month.
• Strange, Dead Love Preview – FlamesRising.com has published one of the Shards available in the new supplement for Vampire: the Requiem coming out this month.
• Mur Lafferty on Marketing – Linking to this because it’s a good representation of an author’s experience with book marketing posts. (My advice? Don’t buy books or read sites about book marketing. Buy books about marketing, because you’ll find more valuable information that’s been tried and tested. A good place to start is in the small business section.

That’s it for today. Much to do. Many holiday parties to attend. And have to keep writing.

Mood: Stressed. A “bit.”
Caffeinated Beverages Consumed: Fair with a chance of more.
Work-Out Minutes Logged Yesterday: 30
Word Count Logged Yesterday (not including day job): 450 + a short story revision/submission
In My Ears: Sting whiny emo happy music
Game Last Played: Picross 3D for the Nintendo DS
Movie Last Viewed: Harry Potter on Blu-Ray
Book Last Read: Dark Faith anthology
Latest Artistic Project: Byzantium chainmail bracelet with pink/iris green/black rings
Upcoming Release: Strange, Dead Love for Vampire: the Requiem

Ba dum dee dum. I gots outlines on the brain. Dah dum dum dee dum. They makin’ me cray-zay! Ba dum dee dum. ‘Cause getting me or-ganized is the only waaaaaaaaaay I’ll move on this book. Whoa-oh. Whoa.

Oh yeaaaahhhhhhhh.

Anyhoo, it’s Wednesday and that means it’s time for me to wonder where the heck Monday and Tuesday went. Also: to admire said Angry Birds formal gown. Recently pored through an article written by Quentin Rowan, the “fake” spy novelist, that talks about how plagiarists are insecure and that’s the reason why they do what they do.

Also: I popped by Do Some Damage today, writing about Investigating a Decent Price for eBooks.

Today’s post shall be a little more random and less coherent in favor of outline for [redacted] and submitting THREE WHOLE REVISED CHAPTERS for [redacted]. I require outlines for non-fiction (I include game material in this camp, not because game material isn’t fictional, but because I consider it to be reference material and is of the same ilk) moreso than fiction. A story I get a draft and I beat it to death revise it. Revising a story is fun, because I hear it in my head. Sometimes the draft is cloudy and the voice is telling me one thing, but the story (or the guidelines) another. Other times? It’s as clear as a bell.

Non-fiction is like the black pit of despair. If I’m not careful, I could go on and on and on and on without even realizing it. Right now, I make sense to me, but put that on paper? At least in a story my characters have some amount of sanity. Well, most of the time. Sometimes I write really weird shit stories that *direct quote* are “too weird for Weird Tales.” That last bit was meant to be funny, by the way.

Anyhoo. I’m off to wrangle my lines of thinking to ensure they’re pieced together appropriately like little tin men. Using this week to catch up so I can finish [redacted], [redacted], and a new outline for [redacted] which are all being written on spec. Guaranteed paid work supercedes spec work every time.

Mood: Stupid Silly Crazy Batshit
Caffeinated Beverages Consumed: Many.
Work-Out Minutes Logged Yesterday: I thought about it.
Word Count Logged Yesterday (not including day job): 3,165
In My Ears: My kitty eating bubble wrap *seriously*
Game Last Played: Picross 3D for Nintendo DS
Movie Last Viewed: Harry Potter on Blu-Ray
Book Last Read: Dark Faith anthology
Latest Artistic Project: Byzantium chainmail bracelet with pink/iris green/black rings
Upcoming Release: Strange, Dead Love for Vampire: the Requiem