A Public Apology to my Cat, Rimmon

Rimmon

Dear Rimmon,

I am sorry I gave you a bath. I realize you are now traumatized for life and I may have to let you have some whiskey take you to the vet for doctor-approved prozac anti-stress treats. Since you are a crazy rational cat, I will explain why you needed to be hauled into the shower at two o’clock in the afternoon.

I say this with love. First, when your food is being refilled, please avoid taking the opportunity to open the door and stand underneath the stream believing that this is your breakfast, lunch, and dinner combined into one feeding. Yes, you’re a gaping maw hungry. I get that. But, the consequence of diving into your food container and acting like a kitten all over again is the terror I put you through — the dreaded bathtub.

You should have been familiar with the white vortex of dooooooom that cleans your guardian so she can be seen in public — but I guess not. No, instead your tailed puffed out, you crawled backwards and upside down like you were demonically-possessed, and then you daintily skipped out of the bathtub until I hauled you back in for Round 2.

A few rounds and a wet bath towel later, you survived only to find a comfortable position and take a nap. When you awake and clean your fur, I suspect you’ll still taste like food. You’ll still expect dinner, of course. That hasn’t changed. You bastard.

Hope you learned your lesson, Rimmon, and I’m sorry I gave you a bath. I am not looking forward to giving you one again.

Love,

Your Guardian and One of Two Food Providers

    Mood: I saw the sun. I’m in shock.
    Caffeinated Beverages Consumed: There is no nation like caffeination.
    Work-Out Minutes Logged Yesterday: HAH HAH HAH HAH HA H
    In My Ears: Deadlines and Commitments by The Killers
    Game Last Played: Sonic All Star Racing Transformed
    Book Last Read: Witches Abroad by Terry Pratchett
    Movie Last Viewed: Transylvania 6-5000!
    Latest Artistic Project: *Still* *still* *still* need to take pictures… It’s on the list!
    Latest Fiction/Comic Release: Last Man Zombie Standing
    Latest Game Release: Freedom Flyer
    What I’m Working On: Primarily tie-in games work and novels.


February 12, 2014
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Monica Valentinelli is an author, artist, and narrative designer who writes about magic, mystery, and mayhem. Her portfolio includes stories, games, comics, essays, and pop culture books.

In addition to her own worlds, she has worked on a number of different properties including Vampire: the Masquerade, Shadowrun, Hunter: the Vigil, Brandon Sanderson’s Mistborn, and Robert E. Howard’s Conan.

Looking for Monica’s books and games that are still in print? Visit Monica Valentinelli on Amazon’s Author Central or a bookstore near you.

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