Day 15: On Dealing with Insecurity

Dec09WM15If you think about it, writers, artists and musicians have everything in the world working against us — because conventional wisdom tells us we’re not “supposed” to make money doing this. We’re supposed to suffer, because that’s part and parcel of being an artist.

Many writers that hear this message get discouraged, and often take it to heart by worrying about “only” getting published through this channel or that, or by giving away their work for free because they don’t think they’ll ever be good enough. (For clarification, you’ll want to read my stance on writing for free or about puking content, plagiarism and too much free. In short, the persistent view on what an author should do often affects how new writers approach the market.

I’m on the opposite end of the spectrum. On my end, writers should have ethics because we have to set an example as to why we should and deserve to get paid. I have a short list as to what my core ethics are: a) don’t plagiarize from online-or-offline sources, b) don’t push someone else down to make you look better and c) don’t “over” self-promote by telling everyone how great you are. I believe these are pretty simple standards to have, but my failing is when I do see other authors plagiarizing and getting away with it or putting down “new” authors because they don’t know any better. (Even though, we all had to start somewhere.) Then, I get frustrated because it’s hard enough trying to promote a positive image for professionals that are typically deemed as being mentally unstable.

The hard, cold truth of being a writer is: you have to be your own cheerleader, but you have to know when to stop cheering. You have to know when to shut up and simply sit down in front of a keyboard to get the words out, and when you are asking “too much help” from another author or professional. In my mind, you also have to know, in your heart of hearts, that every single doubt and insecurity that you have is what every author feels. The more you write, the more good and bad things you experience. (I can’t remember who said it, but it’s a lot like getting punches on a coffee punch card. Plagiarized? Check. Haven’t been paid? Check. Etc.)

To me, there is “good” and “bad” in every situation and a lot of things come with the territory. There’s going to be complete *ssholes that make a lot of money. There’s going to be authors that write one book and never have to write ever again. There’s going to be authors that have to write dozens of books and pile up rejections before they are ever noticed. And while it’s good to be aware of the pitfalls of being an author (we all like to eat, you know?) none of this should really matter to you. Why? Because the absolute worst crime I believe you can commit is to not write at all because you are afraid. Then? You’re not a writer. You’re just someone who “talks” about writing. And that, dear reader, is a lot more common than you might think.

So be brave, be bold and forget about everything you have been “taught.” Forget about worrying how far you are in this Marathon, too. You can’t edit a blank page, you can’t sell an unfinished manuscript, and you can’t worry about how successful you are or you’re going to be. Sometimes, you just have to suck it up and put those demons to rest.

Day 14: The One Thing That “Just Doesn’t Matter”

Dec09WM14Well, we’re just about to the halfway mark for the December Writing Marathon, and I have a “new” confession to make…

I stopped counting the number of words I’m revising and wading through, and am going to wait until the end to tally up my goals.

Why? Because the number of words doesn’t matter to me as much right now. As a professional, I know I can comfortably write and edit between 20,000 and 30,000 words of original content in a month with a day job, provided there are no other roadblocks to get in my way and I know the project and setting “cold.” I know that for newer ventures, like a novel, putting demands on myself and my time creates more stress. I’ve written novellas, gaming books and short stories, but as I’ve mentioned before, a novel is much different — especially when it’s “my” work and not for a tie-in project.

Maybe, the word count doesn’t matter for you, either. Maybe for you, just getting those words out is more important than counting how far you’ve come.

It amazes me how many people I run into that look at writing like a competition or get really insecure about what they’re doing. This “marathon” isn’t about any of those things. It’s about establishing the habit of writing for yourself a little bit every day. It’s about understanding that learning how to write is a lot like learning how to play an instrument. The more you do it, the better you can become, even though you’ll sometimes need some guidance along the way.

So today, dear reader, I ask you to take a good, long look at what you are doing. Ask yourself, “What doesn’t matter to me?” Is it the quality? Your progress? Do you hate what you’ve written and need to toss all of it out the window? Or do you want to write something brand new?

Once you’ve figured out what doesn’t matter to you, you’ll be left with what does. For me, that means sitting down and simply telling a good story.

Day 13: Dealing With Holiday Stress

Dec09WM13So here we are almost halfway through December and the words — my words — have been slowing down to a trickle. This week I had a problem with the number sixteen…sixteen inches of snow which translated to sixteen extra hours of commute time between driving, defrosting my car, etc. Additionally, this is my busiest season at Musicnotes.com, because we’ve got an immense collection of digital sheet music for the winter holidays that we’re highlighting to help people find the songs they want to play.

Needless to say, by the end of the week I was more than a little stressed out. So? I ordered myself a holiday gift in the form of a Doctor Who Tardis USB hub (it’s got a blinking blue light on the top and it has optional sound effects), started doing more yoga, listened to some fun audio books in the car (Life, The Universe and Everything by Douglas Adams and Servant of the Bones by Anne Rice), went on a baking spreeeeee and am currently planning my second of three random holiday gifts. On the surface, these activities might not seem like they have anything to do with writing ARGENTUM, but they really, really do.

Too much stress sucks. It sucks because it zaps your energy and makes you feel like a big pile of goo. Not enough stress also sucks, because when you’re in that shiny-happy-sunshine place (or, at least when I am) there’s no need to write because life. is. beautiful. Somewhere in the middle usually works for me. When I’m too stressed out, it definitely impacts my writing because I tend to over-think the words I’m putting down on the page, or I’m wondering what else I should be doing. Then, when I do take a moment to relax and do something for “me,” I feel guilty because I’m not writing.

I needed this weekend to remind myself of two things: one) Taking things one day at a time is probably a good thing right now and two) the volume of words isn’t as important as actually sitting down and doing it. Or, in other words, to remain focused — one foot in front of the other gets you to where you want to go.

I feel that dealing with stress is a lot like trying to get back in shape. Many people (including myself) fall off the wagon simply because after a few weeks you feel better but you’re not seeing results fast enough. Or — like in my case — something comes up that throws a wrench into “your master plan” for working out (MP, for short.) Well, this week was my nice, yet gentle reminder, that the MP means diddly squat. I reminded myself that persistence, moreso than any other skill, is the number one thing I need to focus on right now. Sure, there’s going to be roadblocks, there’s going to be distractions…heck…there might even be a few zombies or two. That’s just how it is.

After all, it’s impossible to edit a blank page. And while I have ten short stories I could be editing, the prize is this book.

Hope you’re finding a way through the holiday season…

Day 7: Goals and Establishing a Routine

Dec09WM7Well, it’s the end of Week One for our December 2009 Writing Marathon. Today, I ask you to reflect on your goals and see how you’re doing. Did you write a lot? Not enough? Did you end up doing penance like I did for your lack of writing?

Admittedly, I didn’t get a lot done out of the gate. Why? Well, partially because Week One for me was about getting back into a well-balanced routine. The tricky thing, though, was that I was pretty far behind on my housework. (Six months behind.) Not to mention, December decided to sound the Winter trumpet with colder temperatures and snow — just last week it was fifty degrees!

You see, I find that I’m more productive when I have a clean house, a decent workspace and a creative hobby. Why? Well, when I have these things I’m no longer distracted by “the things I should be doing” because they are already done. Once the house is already clean, I find I write more. Then, when I do get a break off the computer, I already have “something else” to do like learning how to knit or focus on my artwork. This balance definitely has some other benefits, too. (Like decreasing my stress!)

Now that I forced myself to get some of that back log done, this week I’m adding in an additional layer to round out that balance. Today, I start the Couch-to-5K Running Program from Coolrunning.com.

Even though I didn’t get a lot of original writing this past week, I did take stock of what speculative fiction I do have to help me focus what I’m working on. Turns out I have quite a few marketable stories I could revise, and I do have a few other “plans” I can sort out. However, the novel revisions are a big time sink, and they force me to not publish or submit anything new. Going back to the whole “I typically write-for-hire” conversation, that’s pretty scary to me. After all, if I disappear from a publishing schedule for six months, would you still remember my author name?

Still, the time for asking questions about where I’m at in my career is over. It’s time to get serious.

Original Goal: Revise a little bit every day, average about three chapters a week.
Week One Summary: Figured out how to incorporate back story and cut exposition without having to rewrite novel. Wrote four days, revised most of the first chapter.

And so, I begin Week Two.

Day 3: Oh, How the Unexpected Thrills Me. How About You?

Dec09WM3How’s everyone doing so far? We’re barely out of the gate, and already I’ve had an interesting couple of days. I think gremlins have invaded my home. While I haven’t made a ton of progress yet, I’m still doing my due diligence and trying to get back into a routine. Translation? No filing yet. Hoo-ray for me!

Here’s my account of the first, few days. I have to warn you, please don’t call the grammar police. This was written in a very stream-of-consciousness sort of a way. Don’t want a ticket for bad verb agreement.

Day One: Cats decided to wake me up by having an epic “CLASH OF THE TITANS” battle on my belly at 6:00 a.m. I am dragging and can’t focus, so decide to get a few work-related things out of the way so I can take a peek at my schedule. With a “return-to-the-gym” visit tonight and edits on a nonfiction project, looks like I’ll need to write for ARGENTUM during my lunch hour at work. In the morning, I focus my efforts on getting everything ready for the day and knock out a rough outline for work before heading in. Writing during my lunch hour seems manageable enough; provided I force myself away from the computer for a few minutes. Fortunately, I have plotted out a well-paced outline for the book which will help me revise things a bit easier. Shoot, I’m not going to even bother tracking word count for non-fiction, etc.

Unfortunately, the writing over the lunch hour isn’t manageable. Exhausted, I know I won’t get to the gym so I decide to take a brief walk outside. I realize that it’s probably better if I work out during my lunch hour when I can, because I need the break away from the computer.

So…looks like I’ll have to wait until I get home. Crap. I really don’t want to do paperwork tonight so I’m going to force myself to sit down for an hour after I work on a different project. Remind self to give cats a sedative tomorrow. This six hours of sleep business really sucks.

Fortunately, I opened the file. I looked at the file. I started rewriting the file. But that’s about as far as I got before I called it a day.

Day Two: Coffee. Lots and lots of coffee. WHY DOES THE UNIVERSE HATE ME? The coffeemaker has decided to stage a revolution. Apparently I need more fiber because it’s got “a few” grounds in it. Joy of joys. Well, I’m up so I’m going to work on my non-fiction project this morning and make some more headway on that. Work has been extremely busy, especially with the holidays right around the corner. Got home. Want to crawl back into bed. End up writing instead. Unfortunately, the internet has decided to voluntarily take a vacation so I don’t get much non-fiction stuff done. End up refocusing on ARGENTUM. Bugged about the back story and the pacing.

Day Three: Cats decide to have a freak out all morning long and tumble all over the place. Looks like crappy filters might be the cause of coffee pot woes. Hopefully. Internet still out. Grrrrrrr… I stare longingly at a DVD rack and decide to put in an episode of Charmed for fashion-filled background noise while I work on ARGENTUM. (Cheesy acting = great background noise.) Figure out back story still works, just need to cut down on the emo-ness of the main character. Needs more handcuffs. Depending upon how tonight goes, may get back into it.

Hrmm…maybe the mornings really are the best time to write for me.

To be continued…

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